"Oh you need that Rite of Passage, before you can continue on; That brave self-understanding you can lean your dreams upon" - from the song "Rite of Passage" by Dougie MacLean, published by Limetree Arts and Music

Rites of Passage are any major life event which can be celebrated within the family and/or community of the person concerned. To give some examples that most of you will be familiar with, these could be engagements, weddings, births, Christenings (or equivalent), funerals, womanhood or manhood celebrations (e.g. first menses, or 18th/21st birthday) and so on.

Some people celebrate these events privately, if at all, but others may wish to celebrate in style! If you want to celebrate your event with friends, family or indeed, your whole community (be it your street or the whole village!) and you don't know how to go about it, this is a good place to start. We can help you find out what you need to know to plan and celebrate your special day in the way that is most meaningful to you.

Handfasting. This is probably the most common Rite of Passage that people think of when they think of Paganism. Historically, Handfasting was a common feature of Scottish life, particularly in poorer families. In 1939, the Marriage (Scotland) Act repealed the legal status of Handfasting as a legitimate means of marriage. Not that this would have ended the practise, as I'm sure that people who couldn't afford a Kirk wedding still carried out Handfastings and later became common-law partners, which means that they have lived together for a certain period and are known, by "habit and repute" (i.e. by their community), to be husband and wife.

Until recently, when a couple Handfast, they often went through a civil ceremony to make the marriage legal, either before or after the ceremony. However, due to recent successful negotiations with the General Register Office for Scotland, we once more have the option of a legally recognised Handfasting performed by an Approved Pagan celebrant.

Handfasting is also an excellent way to become engaged, as it was usual for people to initially commit themselves to the relationship for a year and a day, ostensibly to ensure that the relationship was sound and that they were able to have children together. While it is much more common for people to live together these days, many still want to make some sort of committment to their relationship. It is fairly common for people to become engaged for this purpose, even if they have no intention of getting married, so why not Handfast instead? Just to clarify things too, as there has been some confusion over this, Handfasting does not have to be just for a year and a day. It can be for any length of time the couple choose, or can specify that it is until death separates them, or they choose to sever the knot.

Who can Handfast? Basically, anyone who can get married can Handfast. It's also an ideal way for gay and lesbian couples to celebrate their civil partnership (since these cannot be religious ceremonies in themselves) if they would prefer a religious ceremony. I also see no reason why polyamorous relationships cannot be celebrated with a Handfasting. The knot-tying might prove a bit tricky, but so what! That's all part of the fun of a Handfasting!

For more information on Handfasting, click here.

Birth celebrations. The birth of a child is a time of many emotions, most of them good. There are several celebrations that might take place around the time of the birth. Examples of these include anticipation of the birth, when the mother-to-be is pampered by her family to allow her to focus on her upcoming labour and prepare herself mentally and physically. They may take on her responsibilities in the household to allow her to rest, and they may also arrange for her to bask in luxury for a few days, with facials, massage and whatever else she fancies. There may be rituals to ask for a safe labour, and to invoke the protection of deities associated with childbirth.

Another may celebrate the birth of the child herself, with thanks for the birth and rituals to ask for protection for the child until she is old enough to decide her spiritual path for herself. Some cultures give babies temporary names, either until they can be officially named or until they enter adulthood, and this is something which could be considered.

Naming itself is often a big event. Most of you will be familiar with the Christian tradition of Christening or baptism, the ritual which washes away the child's sins and welcomes her into the Christian community. Pagans may hold similar ceremonies to formally announce the child's name to the community, to invoke protection for her, and to ask the community to teach the child the values that the parents feel are important. This page is currently under development. For further information or suggestions for rituals email me at medionemeton@blueyonder.co.uk

Adulthood. Everyone is familiar with the wild celebrations that occur when a child reaches their 18th or 21st birthday. But there are many different ways to celebrate the coming-of-age of a child moving into adulthood.

18 or 21 are pretty arbritary ages given that, particularly in Scotland, adult legal rights are acquired gradually over several years. Perhaps we should return to celebrating some of the visible signs that children are approaching adulthood, for example first menses or the breaking of the voice? One of the major problems I feel that modern society has is with accepting the physical body as something normal, rather than an embarrassment to be hidden at all times. One only has to look at the case of the Naked Rambler to see how ridiculous society can be when it comes to wearing what you were born in!

Adulthood ceremonies may be community events, but are more likely to occur privately within the family. Some children may feel happy to celebrate within the family, but because of societal attitudes, feel very uncomfortable with revealing their new status publicly. It is up to the family to discuss with the child how they would like to approach the issue, and build their ceremony around their wishes.

For more information on adulthood rituals, email me at medionemeton@blueyonder.co.uk. We hope to get this page up and running soon.

Funerals. Unfortunately, all of us come to an end eventually, however temporary or not we believe this state to be. When we die, it is expected that some sort of funeral service will be held for us, although it is not, contrary to common belief, a legal requirement. Ideally, we will have planned in advance what sort of service we would like, and whether we would like our remains cremated, buried in a traditional or alternative manner, or if we would like our body donated to science.

However, the unexpected may happen, and if it does, those we leave behind are left with the difficult task of dealing with our earthly remains. Often the first avenue they resort to in this case is the Funeral Director, who may be able to contact a celebrant who is able to co-ordinate a funeral service in the manner the deceased would approve. Unfortunately, there are probably few Funeral Directors who know of celebrants in their local area. If you click here, you will find advice on who to contact for assistance in finding a celebrant.

If you are asked to act as a celebrant for a friend or relative, what do you need to know? Firstly, speak to the Funeral Director - they know how the system works, and will be able to advise you on what you can and cannot do. They will know about sites for woodland burials, and the rules that apply to burials on private land (e.g.your garden) or in the countryside if that is what the deceased or their family wish to do. They will know of sources of burial shrouds, biodegradable coffins, and what ritual items may be placed with the deceased for different types of funeral. More importantly, they should be able to liase with people like crematorium or cemetery staff to ensure that the setting is appropriate for the funeral.

Your major concern as a celebrant is to deliver a funeral service that gives the family and friends what they need. So talk to them about what they would like, what the deceased would like, and especially about how they see the character of the deceased. Get them to tell their favourite stories about the person, no matter how silly or embarrassing these are - it gives you a more rounded picture if you can see the person warts and all. How many times have you been to a funeral, and gone away thinking "Who was the minister talking about, because it wasn't Uncle Johnny?"

If you need some suggestions for funeral rituals, please email me at medionemeton@blueyonder.co.uk for ideas and links that may help you decide what you want in your own service or what may be appropriate to include if you are acting as a celebrant. We are currently developing a page on this delicate topic, but please bear with us in the meantime.

If you have been asked to act as a celebrant for any of the ceremonies above, please click on the link to the relevant section for further advice and resources appropriate to that particular Rite of Passage. If you have a rite to celebrate, but you don't know any potential celebrants, please click here for further advice on finding a celebrant.

Site last modified: 14th April 2008
This page last modified: 14th April 2008
Links last checked: 14th April 2008

This site is designed for fast download, so we have few pictures and limited page size. We check our links regularly, so there should be no broken ones. Email addresses are not clickable to prevent spam - please copy and paste into your email program. If you have a problem with the site or wish to make a constructive criticism or suggestion please email the editor at medionemeton@blueyonder.co.uk.

Text and "Look and Feel" © Louise Park, 2005-2008.
Copyright of any articles remains with the author and is credited on the relevant pages.